Tuesday, May 31, 2011

How Being With My Family In The Woods Makes Me Think

It's been a long time since I spent time at the lake cottage.  This past weekend was the opener.  For three days the air was chilled and on the brink of storm.  There was little rain but lots of overcast.  There were hoards of mosquitoes and wood ticks.  But still, despite what I've just described as a positively dismal weekend it was quite how I would have it if given my preference, at least for this weekend.

I'll have to admit it was quite a twirly mess preparing for a weekend away from the workshop.  How would I get everything done for my upcoming shows?  There was also the nagging feeling that I would be leaving the house in too much disarray.  What about the laundry?  What about those chunks of dirt on the kitchen floor?  But once I was packed and on my way, those things drifted away from the front of my mind just as quickly as my car rolled away from my driveway.

The wood ticks and mosquitoes kept us indoors for the evenings where we all talked about plain old stuff.  Those kind of talks are great to have with other family members.  It give you a chance to get to know what's going on, how they're getting along, what kind of dynamics are at play, and at the very basest level just who these people are and why we're all connected.  There were no deep philosophical discussions, just ordinary stories.  Amazing how well you can reacquaint yourself with people when you're in different surroundings.  The ordinary stories are the most telling.

It kind of reconnected me to my psychology training and I got all analytical, but not in a critical and diagnosy way.  The thing is, when I get all analytical about other people it eventually turns inward and I become extremely self-aware. 

Stuff changed for me in my head this past weekend.  I'm not sure where all of these insights are going to lead, but I think there have to be some changes.  Emphases have to shift.  And most of all I have dial it back and focus on content rather than quantity, especially when it comes to growing my little business.

Funny how this kicks just weeks before I go "on."  Could be I'm just second-guessing myself.  Could be I have something inside me just itching to get out.  Could be I don't trust my instincts.  Whatever it is, it's surfacing at a most inconvenient time. 

I haven't given this thing a definition because, well, I can't.  I'm just going to roll along with it.  Maybe something else will occur to me.  But now that I'm home, back in the cocoon of my little life and my little business, I wonder if my awareness will wane. 

As I sit and reflect on the previous weekend I guess I can be grateful for my family who was just there to inspire my brain to explore new possibilities.  Weird how that whole progression took place; a simple weekend with family triggered some pretty drastic turns in how I want to do things. 

And now, I continue on with my new insights.  I hope I can do them justice.  All I need is a little confidence and a little courage.  Here I go again...

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